What is right?!
This
is the very first time, I say this in the blog. I am afraid of the future lies
in front of me. I will never be able to trust people whom I used to trust.
Probably too much dramas cause this stupid indictment but I feel deep down in
my heart that I am just some trained slave to be used in the future. As a slave
I have no space for complaining or asking what so ever. All I have to do is
listen, study and embrace what comes ahead. Not knowing whether it’ll be a good
thing for my future or not. To tell the truth, I am still studying for my
Bachelor in Education. It cause me already 4 years and I have two years left. I
am blessed the government decide to fund my studies. They gave me quite a
handful of money compared to the other students. It is a large sum I think,
since it is only for our accommodation and living expenses. But not for an exam
fee which we then told to pay with that particular money they gave. Fine, we
understand. Then a storm strike. My course was supposed to be continued in the
country where the native speakers are, yet suddenly we were told that this
batch will not be going since they are lack with money. Still I was happy because
we manage to take an exam not equal but suffix to enter the higher education. Yes
the same thing happen. I also need to pay for this one. Adding up the amount
from the previous exam it was less than RM 1000. So we decided to claim when we
found out that the previous batch who went to that country didn’t have to pay.
Then
a letter was made. With careful and full of responsibilities we sent it to the higher
authority. The wait began. A year later, our junior got the payment. But we? Don’t
ask. We cried blood and tears yet everyone said we are not under their concern.
“You were shift to another department and you jump a year for the claim to be
paid”. Really? I thought a shift wouldn’t make such different. Since they
should be holding to previous funds from the old the department. Or should they
not? How does the government work? Why would such differences come? Why us? I
still remember when we dutched our money to help each other. We were not the
smallest batch but the weakest I guess. People can ask us to do anything they
want but we never complain. They said we should be grateful that the government
helped you. Yes they did. I won’t say that it wasn’t enough. But it is worth it
to hurt our feelings like this? We fought with our teachers, they fought among
themselves and people never knew how painful it was to have such argument. So then
we decided to do this the old fashion way. Parent. We discussed and wrote
letter of inquiry and signed by our parent. The letters were almost there when
so suddenly the teachers decided to help us without our acknowledgement which
resulting in more fights. They want to claim only for the second exam. Which led
me to write this.
They
said facts has shown that anyone who go against the country will be blacklisted.
I wonder why? Not just that a storm of difficulties will happen to us just
because we sent a letter of inquiry asking for the current condition of our
course, but your whole family will be jeopardised. Are we enemies of the
country? We are just the citizen who have right to speak. I will never
understand the truth about this country whom never seems to show me what a
great country it really is. All I ever heard was the government is taking advantages,
the opposition is doing the same. So which part of this country really is good?
All I ever know was, once you say no, they will always say no. I felt betrayed.
Honestly does it need for such thing to happen? I can never trust the
government anymore. I guess I lost my trust in them. But I’m feeling so down
because it happen on a cause of money. No
one seems to understand our feelings. They manage to break us apart and I can’t
do anything at all. Now I understand why this country is sometime corrupted. Yes
I’m not a dean list students who can achieve 4.0 CGPA, I’m not studying
doctorate, or architecture or even philosopher. But I am one of the future
stems who will colour this country. I am one the future human being who will
teach the future generations. And what should I tell them. I am sorry for this
long text of mine, but I am so heartbroken with the fact that we the citizen
did not have the right that they proclaimed we had.
I have
seen so much problems. Some within myself. I just wished that I am brave enough
to see the truth until the end. I should have been braver, but now being an
adult makes me a coward. I don’t see myself as the old, young me anymore. All I
see is someone who talks at the back and lay low, to have a better and quiet
life. Which deep in heart tells me that this is wrong.
End.
A Student
of a Teaching Institute somewhere in the world.
