As Our Love Advance

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Lightless till it comes

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Sunday, October 21, 2012

To the future Wan Nor Izzati Bt Wan Mohd Bashar,

How's life? Indah tak dunia kau skang? me? tahun 2012 ni bnyk yg cantik sbenarnye, tp bnyk jugak yang perit. kau pasti tahu ape yg terjadi pada tahun tu, kehilangan teman seperjuangan, ketemuan rakan seperjuangan yang baru, pengalaman pengembaraan yang menarik, mencabar, juga indah. aku boleh katakan tahun tu bnyk yg ak harap kau ingat. aku tak tahu sama ada tyme ko bce nie ko ingat lg atau tak tp ak arap ungkapan "I love You" yg ko slalu ucapkan b4 end kan call ngan parent ko, still ko wat. Adik2 camne? mesti angah dah ade anak kan kekekeke... uda da kawen lom? Una masok U mana, ambek jurusan ape? Is? dpt U mana? or dye stay nak dok ngan mak ngan engku? Ko da anta mak ngan engku g Haji kan? ingat ape target ko dulu kan? Van pe citer? arap2 ape yg ko jnji tu dpt capai, InsyaAllah. psl personal life ak x reti nk agak... so nnti pndi2 laaaa...
Mengajar kat mane skang? arap2 skolah tu menjadi satu cabang kehidupan yang erat tok ko. Tok Tan ngan Tok Ne mesti dengan mak ngan engku kan, da jd Haji ngan Hajjah kan? Zati, kau regret tak ape yg ko buat slame nie? ade tak ko rase nak patah balik n marah kat ak yg mungkin akan wat something wrong esok luse nie? arap2 x. Ak doa agar keputusan ak nie betul.
Oh lupe! Ko da kawen lom? anak da bape? Husband name ape? kekeke~ ko still dgr lag Korea g? ak bet kalu ko ade anak comfrim 3 bhs ibunda! Malay, Deutsch ngan Hangul! English jd 2nd language! Zati, ko kene kuat. Kalu ak leh, ko mesti boleh 100 kali ganda, sbb ak yg tahun 2012 ni tak matang mcm ko yg masa skang nie. haaa kontek g x ngan kesebelasan utama? F.H, F.Z, F.A ngan F.I pe cite skang? arap2 dowg sehat sejahtera... Prinsip ko berubah x? doa ak agar mereka still same. Zati walau ape pun yg jd nnti, ak akan ttp xkan regret pe yg ko ngan ak da putuskan. right? Life is once, hanya Allah yang tahu baik buruk pengakhirannya, cuma satu je ak mntk, kuatkan lagi keyakinan ko terhadap-Nya, jgn jd cm ak dulu kayh.
♥ 22y/o Izzati Bashar

Saturday, October 13, 2012

It is what I need, Y.O.U.R L.O.V.E

It is what I need, Y.O.U.R L.O.V.E
Character – Soojung, 22 years old
BTOB – as themselves
BEAST – as themselves
Some other will be mention in the story.


I had a nightmare. I was not myself. I fall through a seenable lie. I should have known that I was tricked into it. He was not anyone that no one knows. He’s Yong Junhyung, the perfect cheater, the perfect lier, the perfect playboy the world has ever known. I was 19. I was a fool. I was not young to be cheated though; he was only one year older than me. He was my bestfriend. We shared almost everything and yet he lied. He lied of ever loving me, seeing me as a woman. It was never true, all of that was only to win a bet he made with his real friends I guess. We were just schoolmates, not bestfriend. I was the only who thinks that. That was three years ago. He debuted. A cool singer in a great wellknown group, BEAST. And I hate every minute they come out neither on the TV nor on the radio. Although I admit their songs are great, they do are great in singing, dancing and charming girls but the only reason for this hatred is because Yong Junhyung is one of them. It had been three years, after what happen I never look back. I never contact him, never ask his brother how’s he doing, or his parent. I only met them once a while during Chuseok, still I tried to not be so rude. My mom would always scold me for not taking the right way of telling my feelings. I always end up hurting his parent feelings. They are my god-parent but what can I do. I hate him. I hate the thoughts of seeing him, hearing and knowing him. Now he has a new victim. But I really wish from the bottom of my heart that he really loves her. She is too young to be cheated and played like what he did to me. Just one more time I hope that this time love really come to me stead of playing me.

(Soojung’s )

Today’s date is 16th October 2012. The third year after that one nightmare. My friends are celebrating something else though.
“Soojung-ah, let’s go! It’s Beast 3rd year!”
“Kimi-ah, I don’t feel like going. You go, I’ll stay home today.” I said in a very polite way.
“You’re crazy? How can I let you here alone?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” I said.
She left and goes to the perfect celebration of hers and the other B2uty. The so called fans of BEAST. No one knew. I’m one of Yong Junhyung’s Ex-GF. I never tell. I guess the res never speak of it too. I made a decision to walk to Han River to clear my mind. As I’m enjoying the view, I heard voices. Loud ones.
“Yah! Don’t run! Let’s play ball!” said one of them A very sturdy voice. Sounded like a leader.
“Hyung, can’t we just play something else than soccer?” said another cute voice.
“Okay! Let’s play Basketball!” said the other. This one sounded so cool.
I wonder who they are, so I turned and there standing 7 flowerboys with a ball. Suddenly one of them walks towards me.
“Noona, can you help us?” It’s the cool voice.
“Huh? Help? Like what?” I answered.
“Be a judge, noona know how to be a basketball judge?” he asked
Of course I know. I’m a player myself. Not in the national team yet, but I am one of the potential player.. kekeke bragging myself sounded so wrong.
“Sure, I’ll judge.”
“Hyung! We got a judge!”
“Okay! But the other are not here yet!” said the leader-like voice.
“Eunkwang! We’re here!” That sounds familiar.
In front of my very eyes, the six most hatred guys in my life stands and walking towards us.
“Dujun-hyung, this noona will be our judge.” Pointing at me. All eyes are on me. He saw me.
“Soojung-shi?” said Yoseob, one of the so called real friends.
“Hi, let’s start!” I scream. I know now. I’m in deep trouble. I hate this. Junhyung walks towards me.
“Annyeong J-ah!” he said. J? I’ve already forgotten that nickname.
I said nothing, didn’t even look at him. I hate him. That’s it. He left and they start to play. With all the hatred, I’m still considered as a good judge. They played till they drop. After two hours of playing non-stop they finally called it even. The cool-voice guy asks me to join them for dinner. Without waiting for my answer he grabs my hand and I am now in their van.
All 13 boys plus 4 managers and me are having dinner. Someone started to talk.
“Hyung, today is BEAST 3rd year right, congrats!!!” said Hyungshik. I learn their names in between the games.
“Erm! I’m totally happy!” said Hyunseung. He’s smiling again. It was hard for him when he lost his dad, but he get through it. I feel bad too.
“Soojung-shi, do you like K-pop singers?” Ilhoon, the cool-voice asks me.
Of course not! But I answered the other way.
“Yeah, I like Kpop too”
“Who?” asks Sungjae, the youngest of the group, they are actually the new group from CUBE, BEAST Company. BTOB
“Well I’ve been TVXQ’s fans since they debuted.” Afterward he laughs. Of course he knows. I never like TVXQ before.
“Really, what is your favourite song?” He asks.
“This one song I like the best.” I sang Tea for two, a japanese song, sang by TVXQ.
“Wow! You got great voice Soojung-shi!” said Eunkwang.
“Since when? Since when you can sing Soojung-ah?” asks Dujun informally. The rest were shock.
“Soojung-ah... you guys know each other?” asks Changsub.
Hyunseung hit Dujun. Yoseob answered.
“Yeah, she’s our friend. She’s a....” He losts his words.
“My Ex....” said Junhyung calmly. Everyone is in pause. I felt like a hole was been dig once again.
“Yeah, Junhyung’s right. I’m his ex-GF aka his old non-real BFF.” I answered sarcastically.
Ilhoon was totally shocked. Not knowing what to do. I stand up and ask for a leave.
“ I’ll walk you home noona.” Said Ilhoon. The rest were in a silent mode, BEAST members excluding Junhyung bow their head for a reason that I don’t want to know.
Although I said no, he insisted on following me.


She left. She went home after saying what it felt. I was wrong. I thought she’d get over it but no. She was totally in pain, and I was the fool for not seeing it. Three years of no news I though she was just busy. How fool I am.
“Hyung, she dumped you?” Asks Sungjae.
“Nope, he did.” Said Dujun. Dujun’d right. I dumped her for my own sake. The boys know everything.
“Why? She seems to look nice and I think she’s a good a GF.” Said Peniel. I was hurt by that comment. She was perfect. If weren’t for my selfish greed, she’d still be mine. But now I have Hara, and she is no longer the one. The one for me now is Hara.
“I know she was. But Junhyung has to do it.” Answered Hyunseung. He knows me too well.
The boys stop asking me anything anymore. I wonder what is going on between her and Ilhoon right now. Could she be crying?


I walk so slow that Ilhoon took my hand and walk faster. But we walked on the wrong path. We’re going back to the riverside. He sat down.
“Noona, you’re okay? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask you to join us” He said in a very apologising way.
“It’s okay, it’s not anyone’s fault. We broke up. Well he dumped. I was not the one. That was it. Don’t feel sorry for it. Thank you Ilhoon-shi”
“Noona, you can informally talk to me. I’m going to let you talk down to me.”
“No I feel better this way. Is it okay for you to saty here? Don’t you got any schedules? You should be tired isn’t it?”
“Naaah~ I’m fine. We got none for today and tomorrow.” He looks so calm and yet he’s a charming one. I wonder...
“You’re Joo’s younger brother right?”
“Yup, isn’t my noona scary? She scares me sometimes.” He laughs. The cutest I’ve ever heard.
“Not really, I find her such a good friend.”
“You know my sister? You guys are friends?” he asks.
“Yup, we’re in the same classes in University. She sometime comes to my Basketball practices.”
“Huuuwaaaa! I’m so dead! You are the famous Kim Soojung! My sister’s BFF! Noona please don’t tell her what I said just now!”
I laugh. He smiles. I wonder why but his face is just an inch from me. Then it hits me. I can no longer see his face, coz his lips are locked on mine. After few seconds I push him away, yet he holds me even more while begging to have more of me. I might be crazy but I’m actually letting him, and kinda enjoying the very first kiss in my life. Seconds later he let me go and look right into my eyes.
“You can be mad at me all you want Noona, but this is what I need. I need a girl, and I don’t mind if it’s a one-sided-love. Coz all I need is to be with you.”
I was red! He hugs me knowing that I was too shy to say a word.
“Ilhoon-ah, I’m en ex from one your hyung, an older woman, and I’m not as beautiful as those girl groups. You might be gonna regret this later.”
“I know you’re Junhyung’s Ex, I know you are older than me by 5 years, but I’m not sure about not being beautiful. I’d say you look better since the girls are always in make-up yet the one that I’m seeing right is perfectly beautiful without it. So yeah, I won’t be regretting this.”
“I’m not gonna say anything, and I’m not agreeing of doing this.”
“You don’t have too. But be sure to be cautious, coz I’ll be announcing that I’m own. Tomorrow people will know that Jung Ilhoon, BTOB’s rapper is now in a relationship.”
I was totally in shocked. He grabs my hand and walks me home. At the front door he kisses me again, without thinking that anyone might see us. He kisses my forehead and watches me enter the house. I close the door and lean towards the door, thinking what just happen.


She’s mine, and Yong Junhyung you are so dead.


What is taking Ilhoon so long to walk her home? That boy hates me for all I know. Is he going to use her for revenge? He’s here.
“Ilhoon, come here.” I said.
“Yes? What is wrong Junhyung-hyung?” he asks.
“What take you so long?”
“Oh right... guys listen...” he’s going to announce something that make me nervous all of sudden.
“Kim Soojung, the girl we met just now. She’s mine. As in my GF for real. We’re dating from now onwards. Manager-hyung it’s okay right?” he asks the oldest manager-hyung we have. He nodded. There’s no restrictions in CUBE, I know that but why Soojung?
“You’re serious? You’re not playing?” Asks Hyunseung, probably he thought he need to asks that on my behalf.
“Yup. I sealed her lips just now. TWICE. She’s mine. No one is allowed to hit on her anymore.” He answered calmly as if I was not around. He kisses her. That should be her first kiss considering we never kiss and she never had a BF before or after me.
“Ilhoon, you better be right. Don’t play with her feelings.” Said Yoseob.
“I’m not and I won’t, I’m not gonna treat her like her Ex. I really care for her.” That’s hurt. I look at Dujun and he signals us to go home. A meeting is gonna be held.
We left the 6 clueless boys plus one in love- state of mind boy. We didn’t speak a word in our way home. As soon as we enter the house, Dujun calls.
“Guys urgent meeting.”
“Hyung, you need to be careful, Ilhoon might be hurting her.” Said Dongwoon.
“We can’t be sure. What if he really loves her?” said Gikwang who has been silent the whole time, from the very moment he saw Soojung.
“But for all we know, Ilhoon hated Junhyung for hurting that senior of him. His first love.” Said Dujun.
“I can’t be sure, he seems truly in love with her, we saw how he took a good care of her today.” Said Yoseob.
I was not able to say anything. I was shocked, scared and hurt. She didn’t say anything yet she’s in pain. Why did I let myself to be such a jerk in the past? I should have taken a good care of her.
“Junhyung-ah, it’s not your fault. We were all just fools back then.” Said Hyunseung.
“I was not.” Said Gikwang. He’s right. Gikwang did try to stop me from hurting Soojung back then.
“Yeah you weren’t. Only the 5 of us were.” Said Dujun. He felt it. He’s right. The five of us foolishly bet on it. If I were to rewind the past, I would have not done it. Not only I lost a precious love but also my only Bestfriend. She was everything a friend could ask.
“So, what should we do?” asks Dongwoon. None of us speak. We do not know what to do. She was not only my BFF but also a great friend to the rest and we all lost that precious gem. I just hope that Ilhoon is true to her.


Somehow, I felt good since that night. I kissed her and now everynight I’m kissing her. She hated it at first, but now no more. Sometimes when I ask she’d just let me. Smiling and loving. All my revenge turns into unconditionally in love with her. Glad that no one knows. I love her. I love Kim Soojung. Not Junhyung’s Ex but Kim Soojung, my girlfriend. A call came in. It’s her.
“Hallo~ yes girl?” I waited for her to answer.
“Ilhoon-ah...... Help me.” Her voice trembles.
“Soojung-ah? What’s wrong? Wait where you are?” I ask timidly. I start to take my clothes and wear things properly. I wear my shoes and hop on the van. My manager drive to her house where she told me earlier.
We arrive at her house. I told her before not to stay alone, but she never listens. I open her door as I knew her password by which she changes it a few weeks ago. Our first date 19 Oct.2012.
I enter her house. She was not in the living room. I went to her room.
“Soojung-ah...” I knock on her door. No one answers. All I hear were cries.
“Soojung-ah! Open the door!!!” I was in panic when suddenly I hear something break into pieces. The door opens and there she lies. Half naked. Bruises all over her, there were blood and everything were a mess. She cries trembling now and then. The minute she saw me, she cries even louder. I hurriedly hug her and hold her close to me. Seeing her in that state coz me to trembles thinking what could have happen. Her clothes were ripped and she was totally in pain, frightened by something or someone.
I brought her to the nearest clinic, a private one so that no one knew. My managers, the boys and BEAST sunbaenim were all there. Even my sister cried non-stop. I was in fury not knowing who did this to her. The doctor calls for a nearest relative. Junhyung-hyung and I raise our hands.
“I hope the both of you can be calm.” Said the doctor who attends her.
“What had happen?” I ask furiously till Junhyung-hyung holds me back.
“She’s been raped..... again.” Said the doctor.
Again! What does that means? Junhyung-hyung looks like he knows. I calm my self and ask to be with her. The doctor let me. In the mean time, I ask Junhyung-hyung what had happen.


Ilhoon asks and there’s no way I can lie. In front of every one I reminisced again what had happen.

(Three years ago)

“Soojung-ah, let’s break up. I was just playing with you. Sorry” and I left her in the rain.
I won the bet, she falls for me. And since then I never heard from her until her mom calls me.
“Junhyung-ah, did Soojung calls you?”
“She did not ommonim, what is wrong?”
“It has been 4 days and she never comes home... what to do?”
I still remember when we found her. She was no longer the strong girl I’ve known. She was the weakest most vulnulrable girl I've met. She cried and asked to be killed right away. Her dad did it.



I woke up with such pain in every inch of my body. He was next to me. Crying, begging for God to take his life instead of mine. Jung Ilhoon. I grab his hand tighter and he realised I was awake. He hugs me and asks for forgiveness of not seeing me lately. I stood still waiting for him to calm down. Although I admit I was in pain but having his arms around me ease me more than I expected. Unexpectedly the rest come towards me and they stood still, silent with no words what so ever. Ah they found out. Junhyung-eyes were red, the same red as three years ago. With no words he stood still and hope for me to say something first. I did no longer hate him. He saved me three years ago and he was the one who still there waiting for me to say a word. The same Yong Junhyung.
“I’m okay.” I said it, and Ilhoon hits my arm lightly.
“You’re not, I’m not and no one here is okay.” He said gently and furiously sounded too. The rest are still silent. Both maknaes cry louder than I should be. Yoseob and Changsub join them, untill Hyunseung scolds them. I laugh seeing such scene. Three years ago when Dongwoon and Yoseob cried, it was the same Hyunseung who scolds them, only that now Sungjae and Changsub are there.
“Jae-ah, don’t tell my mom about this.” Everyone was at shock. Who’s Jae.
“I know, but we need to find him. In the meantime, can you stay with Ilhoon and the boys?” Junhyung answers as if Jae is him.
“She still calls you Jaesoon. Junhyung-hyung you are still her BFF, I guess.” Ilhoon knew. I still am Jae’s BFF and Jae is still my BFF no matter how much I hated him.
“No, no I can’t. I’ll stay with Joo. She asked me before already.”I said to avoid staying under one roof with Ilhoon.
“No, you’re not. I’ll be staying with you in your house. That’s final.” Said Ilhoon. The rest of the boys were shocked. Some hit Ilhoon’s head. And he said,
“I’m serious. We’ll get him this time.” So that’s how we stay in one house. A week later, that bastard was caught while he tried to break-in my house. He went directly to Ilhoon’s room thinking it was still my room. For the truth, we never slept in a seperate room. He always came to my room, saying that he needs to protect me.
I am more than happy now, coz all I need now is just Jung Ilhoon’s craziness and his protective side over me. I Love You Jung Ilhoon!

My 2nd time trying to write Fan-Fic on BTOB....

Monday, October 1, 2012

I hate my world.

I'm crying again. It is just too painful these days. I don't know what I did wrong, but I'm really hating this world. I'm just a human being who try to live as good as I could be. I'm tired of getting hurt. Mom, dad I wanna quit everything and stay home. Do whatever you say. At least I'll smile and laugh all the time. It's painful even just to see tomorrow's sun here alone with no one to look with.

Thus, it is

imymemine (101) BEAST (83) Lyrics (60) KPOP (49) Lights Go On Again (7) A Pink (6) yoseob (5) BTOB (2) 17 (1) BTS fanfic (1) Fanfic (1) Wallpaper (1)


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