Eternally Part I and II (I realised people do read my blog! So sorry if I have not post anything than my rant)

Eternally (Part I & II)

No matter how strong a girl thinks she is, there is always a thing that cannot be reached. It has been awhile since I realized that. Going through every day life without realizing that I am weak. It has been weeks since I started this work as an English tutor for celebrities. Thought that they would not want to go further yet, most of them felt that it is important for them to learn English. A short stay that I planned a month ago did not go according to plan. Taking back to the time when they recruited me, make me smile out of nowhere. For days I’d stay in the café, drinking my favourite caffeine. Caramel Macchiato and hope to have some peace after long months of working in school and meeting people. I love the kids; I love the language but not the people that come with it. They tend to thing within the box, and simply cut out the kids probability in searching and discovering new things.

I decided to stay in Korea for a whole two months as my vacation said so. Since I rarely take any sick leave, the principal said it would not be a problem for me to do so. From two weeks of holiday, I was ask to extended it to two whole month and that was new. As I spent most of my time in the café, it could've been said that I attract people to be cautious of me. Since I’d stay there for hours and only take my leave right before they closed it. In three days, all of the workers know me and my traits already, the fact I changed my place every time I came, the difference coffee that I’d order and the books length that I choose to read. It is not until he came and sat with me that things started to get a little bit fun.

It was on my 5th day there, when he came and sat in front of me as if it was his seat.
“I see you here for days already.. Do you really love this café? Are you on vacation?” he asked.
Me on the other hand was not even distracted by it, answered,
“On Vacation. For two weeks. Yup, I love it here, the coffees are also good, why? Is it wrong?” while my eyes stayed on the page I’m reading, when so sudden he flipped the page and said,
“You should talk while facing me, not while reading…” and our eyes met.
To my surprised, not by his voice, cause I already sense that it’s him, but to the crowd with him. All six members of the KPOP Idol BEAST were seating surrounding me. While I know that we are conversing in fully Korean might not convinced them that I’m not Korean… I only look like one.
“I know, but I think it’s rude for you and your friend to so suddenly seat here. There are….” I stopped when I realized, my seating was the only one available . I do know that I took a large place for myself, they could have asked me to move instead of joining me…

“I know, but I’d rather not to disturb a reading elf.” said the guy with his majestic blond pink hair to the shorter guy with black hair. 
“Junhyung-shi, I’m so capable of moving further if you’d only asked.” I said. But then their drinks came and we ended up taking the conversation to a fullstop.
“You guys, just seat here, do you mind?” he said.
“No I don’t.” continuing to read only to be stopped by another guy asking for my name.
“Hyunji. Korean name is Hyunji. My real name is not important.” I said, as I flip another page of the Iron Fey Prophecy. 
I admit I’m shocked to see them, but after years of being a B2uty, I find myself so composed in front of idols these days. Age is getting me I guess. It’s not weird anymore since this is where they hang out and have some rest.
“Hyunji-shi, how old are you? We look the same age though.” said the maknae.
“25, means I’m older than you a year I guess” to their surprise.
“You know our age? Means you know us? No… you’re our B2uty right?” said the shorter black haired guy.
“Gikwang-ah, that can be true.” said their leader.
“Nope, not just a B2uty… I’m a JESTER” I said flipping another page.
“Seriously?” He asked.
“Yup. In fact I’m your fan since XING” the six of them then cheers as if they won the world. While me on the other side was dueling with the greatness of Kitagawa’s novel. That was the day, my journey start and to my surprised it was also when I realised that I'm actually having fun in it.

Days went by without me realizing how long it has been. They still come time to time and for a week or so things got out of hand. Scandals broke saying 6 idols of the same team dating the same girl. Yup, that girl is said to be me, the one who do nothing. I understand it that much because they came in relay instead of all of them guess they were busy or something. But I never think that it’ be possible anyway that we decided to ignore the news. Even their company said nothing and netizens attack me like I’m some kind of a call-girl… Then the boys think to themselves.
“We changed the place! We go somewhere else to meet Hyunji” said Gikwang.
“Not possible, we need to ensure that Hyunji follows. She won’t” said Dujun.
“Guys, I am here you know…” I said while continuing reading my next chapter. 
“Are you okay Hyunji, I mean they cursed so much that even we got mad.” Said Dongwoon.
“Nope, nothing at all. They don’t know the truth that’s all. And telling the truth cost us our friendship so just let it be.” I answered back. As I look forward to see their faces, all six kinda have the same expressions.
“It’s our fault. We will do something. Hyunseung, Yoseob we can use our SNS” said Junhyung who has been staring at me for quite awhile. 
“What are you staring at? Is there something on my face?” I asked as it bother me, to have someone staring blankly at me.
“I just, I’m just wondering how to settle this” he said looking at his friends.
The next day a call came.
‘Hyunji, watched the news’ said Yoseob.
I switched on my MacAir and open up a browser. I click on further until I found what Yoseob was telling me to watch.
‘Yong Junhyung has started a new relationship and this he is sure she’s the one’ the news starts with all six gathering at a café and talking to the MC. 
“She’s my GF, the boys are helping me keeping her company. She’s not Korean so, she’s only gonna be here for 6 months or so, that’s why I put my all for her”
“She loves to read so much that she stayed at the same café for days. That’s why we always stay there to at least look after her for Junhyung.” Said Gikwang calmly.
Now since when I’m his GF? I can feel that people are looking. I look at the café manager and he understands. Her ushered me to another private room and I decided to wait for them to give me a very long explanation. Hours passed by and they all finally here but not alone. I can sense there are unwanted people came.

I am lack with courage

I am lack with Courage

It was so important for me to stand strong. I guess my way to look dependable make me feel so tired. But I want to be there when I should be there for them no matter when for these two last year. The thing is courage. I tend to get emotional and make things more difficult. Thus my courage to stand strong is getting weaker than ever. I used to despised them so much before, but now I guess that feeling is turn into something call love. I care so much that I feel responsible for everything they might done. Maybe it is too drastic to call them my soul-mates but these friends are definitely in that category. I can say, do and act anything in front of them and they will accept and critised me for that. It is all that I need as the oldest one. I might not be the most matured one in this group, but still I can be the most dependable one, right? For me to continue to be one, I always ask for their opinions. They never realised it actually. Only by being something different will provoke them to show me their true feelings. That's why I am so grateful to them. Allah is the only One I can turn to, to help me, give me strength and ideas to be sure of myself.

I never got over you

Ex-Girlfriend Club

Bang Myungsoo, a webtoon creator fell in love again with his soulmate Kim Soojin, a clueless movie Director. But it is all what life potray, you fell with someone you have seen your whole life. And it become the most treasured time just because it's love.Some even say love strat anywhere, anytime with anyone it want. Though people try to control the thing call love, but no one has manage to do it, except the love for Him. For Him the love can be send in a massive value or the minimalist. But for me, the love for Him should not be measured, cause He never measure His love towards us, He gives love endlessly and it always cherish us even after death, then why do we could even think to not love Him...? We say we human are weak, but at the same time we say he perfected us as creatures whom roam freely the world He created. I would never imagine what it would be like.... to loose the love He give....

What is right?!

What is right?!

This is the very first time, I say this in the blog. I am afraid of the future lies in front of me. I will never be able to trust people whom I used to trust. Probably too much dramas cause this stupid indictment but I feel deep down in my heart that I am just some trained slave to be used in the future. As a slave I have no space for complaining or asking what so ever. All I have to do is listen, study and embrace what comes ahead. Not knowing whether it’ll be a good thing for my future or not. To tell the truth, I am still studying for my Bachelor in Education. It cause me already 4 years and I have two years left. I am blessed the government decide to fund my studies. They gave me quite a handful of money compared to the other students. It is a large sum I think, since it is only for our accommodation and living expenses. But not for an exam fee which we then told to pay with that particular money they gave. Fine, we understand. Then a storm strike. My course was supposed to be continued in the country where the native speakers are, yet suddenly we were told that this batch will not be going since they are lack with money. Still I was happy because we manage to take an exam not equal but suffix to enter the higher education. Yes the same thing happen. I also need to pay for this one. Adding up the amount from the previous exam it was less than RM 1000. So we decided to claim when we found out that the previous batch who went to that country didn’t have to pay.

Then a letter was made. With careful and full of responsibilities we sent it to the higher authority. The wait began. A year later, our junior got the payment. But we? Don’t ask. We cried blood and tears yet everyone said we are not under their concern. “You were shift to another department and you jump a year for the claim to be paid”. Really? I thought a shift wouldn’t make such different. Since they should be holding to previous funds from the old the department. Or should they not? How does the government work? Why would such differences come? Why us? I still remember when we dutched our money to help each other. We were not the smallest batch but the weakest I guess. People can ask us to do anything they want but we never complain. They said we should be grateful that the government helped you. Yes they did. I won’t say that it wasn’t enough. But it is worth it to hurt our feelings like this? We fought with our teachers, they fought among themselves and people never knew how painful it was to have such argument. So then we decided to do this the old fashion way. Parent. We discussed and wrote letter of inquiry and signed by our parent. The letters were almost there when so suddenly the teachers decided to help us without our acknowledgement which resulting in more fights. They want to claim only for the second exam. Which led me to write this.

They said facts has shown that anyone who go against the country will be blacklisted. I wonder why? Not just that a storm of difficulties will happen to us just because we sent a letter of inquiry asking for the current condition of our course, but your whole family will be jeopardised. Are we enemies of the country? We are just the citizen who have right to speak. I will never understand the truth about this country whom never seems to show me what a great country it really is. All I ever heard was the government is taking advantages, the opposition is doing the same. So which part of this country really is good? All I ever know was, once you say no, they will always say no. I felt betrayed. Honestly does it need for such thing to happen? I can never trust the government anymore. I guess I lost my trust in them. But I’m feeling so down because it happen on a cause of money.  No one seems to understand our feelings. They manage to break us apart and I can’t do anything at all. Now I understand why this country is sometime corrupted. Yes I’m not a dean list students who can achieve 4.0 CGPA, I’m not studying doctorate, or architecture or even philosopher. But I am one of the future stems who will colour this country. I am one the future human being who will teach the future generations. And what should I tell them. I am sorry for this long text of mine, but I am so heartbroken with the fact that we the citizen did not have the right that they proclaimed we had.

I have seen so much problems. Some within myself. I just wished that I am brave enough to see the truth until the end. I should have been braver, but now being an adult makes me a coward. I don’t see myself as the old, young me anymore. All I see is someone who talks at the back and lay low, to have a better and quiet life. Which deep in heart tells me that this is wrong.

End.

A Student of a Teaching Institute somewhere in the world.

Peter Pan? That's ME! (Inspired by EXO Peter Pan)

PETER PAN? That's ME!

It was like forever. The very first time he flew into my life. It was definitely a true miracle way... Still I can't seem to forget his words..."I'm coming back. So stay put, just wait!" Every one nick named him as Peter Pan, a guy who never want to grow up. I was the only one who saw for what he meant. I want to see him again. I want him to look at me again, to search for, to miss me and to love me as he always did.

TWENTY YEARS AGO....

"Hyun! Wait! I'm Coming!!!!"

"Yah! I'm not that far! Pallie Waaaaaaaa Han-ah!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

"WAE?" 

"Beorllae!!!!" he screamed at the sight of that small thing.

"Hahahaha.... It is just a baby bug! Come! We're late for class!"

"Arassso... Hyun-ah, why don't you go alone...?"

"Bwoh??!"

"Just kidding!"  A kiss flew to my cheek as he ran away.

All of our classmates were there already. There are a lot of people who assume that we went to that school for fun, but actually we were in HELL! Training to be the best fairy tales protector was more than effort. For Han, I guess it was easy. He was born with such great genes. His mom was Alice and his dad was the great Oz himself. Being a child in such great line wouldn't be hard on him. In fact all boys have the straight great way as they will always be the one who save people and became the main characters. In this class there are only 12 of them Each can take any  tales they want. Everyone want Han to take care the Little Prince as his image suits the story. Yet he is too naughty to be one. I was just hoping that I'll be anywhere Han is.

"Hyun! I know what I want!"

"What? Little Prince?" Asked Kyung-soo who aimed to be the Knight of the Gumiho.

"Nope!" said Han... All eyes were on him. Some were happy, some seems to have no interest, but there were Miho who seems so angry..

"What will you be, Luhan?" Asks Miho.

"Hyun! You're getting smaller because you're destiny to be Tinkerbell right?"

"Hmmm, how do you know?" Asks Yifan who already turned into a frog. Yup who ever turn to be the princess who play crystal ball will be so damn happy when they kiss the helping Frog.

"I just know.. " said Han giggling at the sight of me who each day getting smaller and getting back-pain out of nowhere.

"Han, what you will be is nothing to do with Hyun!" said Amber who transforming into a fighting long-black haired girl. I assume she'll be Mulan, but who knows.

"Yes, you're right. I'm turning into some sort of fairy, but I'm not sure if it's gonna be your favourite Tink" I said ignoring every sentences the other said.

Han might not be a fortuneteller, but he was right. Few days after that, I grew wings on my back and been training to fly. But Han was still the same. He never seems to change into anything. Almost everyone in our class has turned into at least a part of what they should be... But he never shows any changes. While I train my flying ability, a new girl Tia came. They say she's going to turn into a Wendy. Since that day Han never shows up to school. All he did was left me and that Tia each a letter. I turned fully into a Tinkerbell and I flew to Neverland without a Peter Pan, as the senior Peter Pan is still doing great. They say the switch happens once in every 1000 years. I'm probably the 99th Tinkerbell. We died eventually when no children believe in us, and when someone find us back, we'll revived but in other form. If you asks me, I do remember each of the other Tinkerbell. All of them fall for Peter, but all of the Peter Pan never look at us as we hoped for. Some of the old Tinks used to congratulate me, when they saw Han with me... But why?

Year 2013...This very day.

As I was doing my own work as the dusty-flying Tinkerbell, one of the lost boy call me and said they heard a song. A group of grown children calling themselves as EXO sang the song. He sent me the song. But I rather took more time to realised what was happening. 12 boys were put in the same big group. They were separate at first but now who knows. The lost boy sent me their profile as he kept on saying that it is essential for me to know these boys. The very first I saw all 12 of them was when the very same lost boy called them to greet me. It was when I wish that I'd should have not meet them. 

All 12 of them were all in my class twenty years ago. The record did said some of them were discharged form the task as they did so poorly and sent to live as normal beings. But I never knew that all 12 of them were cut. Especially Han, whom I thought is still at the school learning how to be a fairy tale protector...

27th June 2013

a day of joy.

I had my last paper for my 2nd semester that day. All morning I was so nervous knowing that I had to Ace this paper or I'm doom... All I kept thinking about was, I need to get the words and letters right, it's Deutsch after all. For a fixed two hours I finished the paper. We then went for a little celebration of our own. KFC a great dine place it was, as it has always been. But most of us see how bothered I was. How excited I was, How active I was...
YES! I had that chance! I went for the AIA concert held in Indoor Putra Bukit Jalil Stadium. I had the rockzone ticket left. Junhyung used to dance more on the right, but yet my heart told me to take the left side and it was right! it was not as crowded as the right side and I got to see him upclose. it was the day of my life. Until now his face lingers in my head! i can't believe that I'm still like this after so many years.. I end my day for now... see you again Yong Junhyung-shi!

[Lyrics] BEAST - 괜찮겠니 (Will You Be Alright?) Hangul/Romanization/English Translation

via B2STRising


[두준] 충분히 생각해봤니 지금 네가 뱉은 말은
[DJ] chungbunhi saenggakhaebwattni jigeum niga baeteun maleun
[DJ] Have you given that thought some time? The words you just spat at me

쉽게 되돌릴 수 없단 것도 알고 있니
shipge dwiddollil su eobtdan geootdo algo ittni
Do you know that those are words you can’t easily turn back?



[기광] 미안해하는 네 표정 그런 슬픈 얼굴 싫어 어쩌면
[KK] mianhaehaneun ni pyojeong geureon seulpeun eolgul shireo eojjeomyeon
[KK] Your apologetic expression, I don’t like that sad face

마지막일지도 모르는데 좀 웃어줘
majimakiljido moreuneundde jom useojwo
This could be the end for us, please just smile



[현승] 너 없는 나보다 나 없는 네가 혼자선 아무것도 잘 못하는
[HS] neo eobtneun naboda na eobtneun niga honjaseon amugeotdo jalmothaneun
[HS] Me without you over you without me, Not being able to do anything on my own

네가 난 너무나 걱정돼
niga nan neomuna keokjeongdwae
I worry about myself if anything



[동운] 정말 괜찮겠니 내가 네 옆에 없어도
[DW] jeongmal gwaenchangettni naegani yeope eobseodo
[DW] Will you really be alright? Even when I am not next to you

외로움 많이 타는 네가 혼자가 돼 버려도 넌
wiro-um manhi taneun niga honjaga dwae beoryeodo neon
You, who gets lonely so often, Even if you are alone from now



[요섭] 정말 괜찮겠니 가끔은 너와 다퉈 줄
[YS] jeongmal gwaenchangettni gakkeumeun neowa datwojul
[YS] Will you really be alright? Not having someone to fight with you

실 없는 농담으로 너와 웃어줄 사람 없어도 너만 괜찮다면
shil eobtneun nongdameuro neowa useojul saram eobseodo neoman gwaenchanhdamyeon
Not having someone to laugh with you over pointless jokes, Not having that person, if that’s okay with you



[준형] Think of it twice 다시 잘 생각해 봐
[JH] Think of it twice dashi jal saenggakhae bwa
[JH] Think of it twice, think about it again

(If you leave me) 내가 없어도 정말 괜찮을까 네가
(If you leave me) naega eobseodo jeongmal gwaenchanheulkka niga
(If you leave me) Without me, will you really be alright?

넌 나 없인 모든 게 너무 서투니까
neon na eobshin modeun ge neomu seotunikka
Without me you are so clumsy with everything

내가 알고 있는 넌 어린애 같으니까
naega algo ittneun neon eorinae gateunikka
The you I know is so childlike

Where are you going? Why you wanna go?

어딜 가려고 Oh, Oh 왜 가려고
eodil galyeogo Oh, Oh wae galyeogo
Where are you trying to go? Oh, Oh Why are you trying to go?

그러다 끝내 울음이 터진 너 이런 너 보고 어떻게 널
geureoda kkeutnae ureumi teojin neo ireon neo bogo eotteohke neol
You finally burst into tears in front of me, Seeing you like this how am I supposed to

보낼 수 있겠어 많이 흐트러질 텐데 너
bonael su ittgesseo manhi heuteureojil tende neo
Send you away? You are really going to lose it



[현승] 너 없는 나보다 나 없는 네가 혼자선 아무것도 잘 못하는
[HS] neo eobtneun na boda na eobtneun niga honjaseon amugeotdo jal mothaneun
[HS] Me without you over you without me, Not being able to do anything on my own

네가 난 너무나 걱정돼
niga nan neoomuna keokjeongdwae
I worry about myself if anything



[동운] 정말 괜찮겠니 내가 네 옆에 없어도
[DW] jeongmal gwaenchanhgettni naega ni yeope eobseodo
[DW] Will you really be alright? Even when I am not next to you

외로움 많이 타는 네가 혼자가 돼 버려도 넌
wiro-um manhi taneun niga honjaga dwae beoryeodo neon
You, who gets lonely so often, Even if you are alone from now


[요섭] 정말 괜찮겠니 가끔은 너와 다퉈 줄
[YS] jeongmal gwaenchangettni gakkeumeun neowa datwojul
[YS] Will you really be alright? Not having someone to fight with you

실 없는 농담으로 너와 웃어줄 사람 없어도 너만 괜찮다면
shil eobtneun nongdameuro neowa useojul saram eobseodo neoman gwaenchanhdamyeon
Not having someone to laugh with you over pointless jokes, Not having that person, if that’s okay with you



[기광] 조금 이기적이어도 돼
[KK] jogeum igijeoki-eodo dwae
[KK] You can be a little selfish

[두준] 네가 나를 떠나서도 힘들지 않을 수 있을 때까지
[DJ] niga nareul ddeonaseodo himdeulji anheul su isseul ddaekkaji
[DJ] Even after you leave me
So that you won’t have any difficulties

더 머물러도 돼
deo meomulleodo dwae
You can linger a little longer



[준형] Stay with me baby. Stay with me baby
Don’t go. Don’t leave me baby. Take ma hand
Stay with me baby, Stay with me baby
Don’t go. Don’t leave me baby



[동운] 정말 괜찮겠니 내가 네 옆에 없어도
[DW] jeongmal gwaenchanhgettni naega ni yeope eobseodo
[DW] Will you really be alright? Even when I am not next to you

외로움 많이 타는 네가 혼자가 돼 버려도 넌
wiro-um manhi taneun niga honjaga dwae beoryeodo neon
You, who gets lonely so often, Even if you are alone from now



[요섭] 정말 괜찮겠니 가끔은 너와 다퉈 줄
[YS] jeongmal gwaenchangettni gakkeumeun neowa datwojul
[YS] Will you really be alright? Not having someone to fight with you

실 없는 농담으로 너와 웃어줄 사람 없어도 너만 괜찮다면
shil eobtneun nongdameuro neowa useojul saram eobseodo neoman gwaenchanhdamyeon
Not having someone to laugh with you over pointless jokes, Not having that person, if that’s okay with you



CREDITS:
Hangul: Mnet
Romanization: simpleandpink @ B2STRISING
English: YONGISM @ B2STRISING

I miss....

It's been a while peeps... Miss me? I bet no. hihihi. How's life? It's March 2013 already and I am perfectly fine with some additional fatties here and there. hihi. It's hard to stay healthy. Trying not that hard though.
Today, I suddenly miss some people. 1st would be my Grandparent. I didn't have a lot of time with my grandma while she was here, but I know she was such a great woman, as she been able to raise my dad and his other 7 siblings. But I could tell you the truth, I really miss my grandpa. He was definitely the best idol I've ever love. Some say their parent re their most motivated reason, but for me it is truly my grandpa. He was the one who guided me when everything before me collapse. He stayed always next to me when I was in such deep sadness. I'm not saying that my parent neglected me, because they never did it. They do love me and I feel so blessed to have them as my parent, it's just that I rarely show this weak vulnerable side of me in front of them. But my grandpa always saw that. I truly miss him today. Atuk I still remember your face but your voice klingt so weird to me now... I must have mess it up with toktan, since the two of you are cousin. I still remember your scent. Dad smell just like you, and it makes me realised that dad is just like you.
(Atuk, along takut. Along rasa along tak jadi cucu yang macam atuk nak, along takut, along tak jumpa atuk nanti kat sana. Maafkan along sbb tak jadi sama macam yang atuk nak. Along rindu kat atuk sangat-sangat, Tok tan ngan Tok ne, sihat. Along janji along akan jaga mereka baik-baik. Mak ngan engku jugak. Atuk along tawu ape yang along tulis nie pelik, tapi kalu Allah benarkan, along nak jumpa atuk dulu sebelum engku ngan mak. Atuk mesti marah kalu along cakap macam ni dulu...)
I wrote them in Malay coz i felt heavier to write in English. Tears are pouring like rain... I called my mom just twenty minutes before I started this post.
2nd is Im Yoon Taek. Ulala Session's Leader who died fighting cancer. I'd say only that.
Sometimes people do ask me, when are you ever going to have a boyfriend. I don't know. I'm waiting.
To end this post I'm gonna proposed for you guys to hear an song from TVXQ.. The old five members TVXQ. The song is I'll be there. It's a good song.

Bunkface, KPOP, RESPECT

It's too weird for me to say this out loud. What is wrong with having different taste in music? In the old days, people tend to say having to be differ is good. Unsupporting doesn't mean hate right? So much things have cause chaos and yet people nowdays tend to look over the right things. Whether you love M-POP, J-POP or K-POP it is up to you. I respect each of your choice. So the big question is now, where is your respect towards other?
Like this local Band. Bunkface. Seriously? I WAS a fan to tell you the truth. I still remember some of their old songs, but now it has turn to ashes. They are disrecpectful towards other is just bewildered. Why do you need to talk about the things that you're not even sure? Those Idols that we Kpoppers love are equally work hard when it comes to music. They practice and practice. Same as Bunkface. You practice your chords, so they also practice dancing and singing simultaneously.
If they can learn to sing in Malay just to show how respectful they are towards their fans, I think it is not wrong if you do the same towards other. So if you don't like such music, would you just blurt it out without considering how much effort they have give? If I were you, I'd said the other way. Mybe I'm not working hard enough, or maybe my music is too different or maybe I didn't show much passion.. I will work harder.  A musician is supposed to be open minded about other. They don't go around and talk bullshit about another people's hardwork. What should be done is to see, why can't you be as good as them, what is the reason for your music to unsupported by your own people? Just take a sip and think for awhile... I still remember watching some local music competition, I didn't bother to listen because I can hear properly what they were singing. I love music, no matter which country I try to listen and digest the good work, but if you scream or mumble the words how you expect listeners to like your music. Saying that KPOP artist do plastic surgery. Yes it is wrong. But not every single KPOP singers do it. Only some. How about local artist? The muslims coloured their hair to look what? The muslimah wears unappropriate outfit, again for what? I hate to say this but don't talk as if you are the only one that is right. Yes they come here and take you money, so do you think we paid their plane tickets too? No! What we pay only for the numbers of songs they sang and danced. It is the same with local going international. Soon if Malaysian music goes globally, won't this happen to us too? Don't you think that the foreigners will ask you to NOT perform in their country because they only supported their local bands? Think about it wisely. By letting them coming also opens a way for us to go in theirs. Pop Shuvit manage to go to Japan, Mizz Nina too. Even Shila Hamzah is appreciated by others but do they go around and talk bad things about other? NO! Don't you excuses like our local bands are dying and ect.
I really hope that thing will get better, trust me this KPOP wave will end soon. They won't be hurting you, but if don't find ways to be better, than no matter which wave from which country come, you will still be unsupported.

The First Collage- 05 You don't know- Romanzation-Translation

05 그대는 모르죠

Yoseob – You Don’t Know Lyrics

English Translation:

All day you linger in my eyes
Because of you, I can’t do anything
You even appear in my dreams shaking me up
When I wake up, I search around looking for you

When I see pretty clothes walking down the street, I keep thinking of you
When I’m eating tasty foods I (I think of you)
On a good sunny day like today
A date with the beautiful you (How sweet would that be?)

You don’t know that I’m like this
I can’t move close because you are so much more than me
However, even if you don’t know
Regardless of the fact that I can’t express my heart, I can’t stop myself

Everything looks different
Because of you, Woo Hoo
Even the gentle breeze excites me

When I look at couples on the street, I keep thinking of you
When it’s the free weekend I (I think of you)
On a good sunny day like today
A date with the beautiful you (How sweet would that be?)

You don’t know that I’m like this
I can’t move close because you are so much more than me
However, even if you don’t know
Regardless of the fact that I can’t express my heart, I can’t stop myself

You don’t know this love that I started on my own
But because I long for it so much, I believe that it will come true

You don’t know that I’m like this
I can’t move close because you are so much more than me
However, even if you don’t know
Regardless of the fact that I can’t express my heart, I can’t stop myself
Romanized:

Haru jongil geudaega nune areungeoryeoyo
Geudae ttaemune amugeotdo hal suga eobtjyo
Kkumsogekkajido natanaseo nal heundeureo nonneyo
Kkaeeonamyeon geudael chaja hemaegon hajyo

Gireul geotdaga yeppeun oseul bwado nan geudaega jakku tteoolla
Masinneun eumsigeul meogeul ttaedo nan (geudaega tteoolla)
Oneulgachi haessari joheun nal
Areumdaun geudaewaui deiteuneun (eolmana dalkomhalkkayo?)

Ireon nal geudaeneun moreujyo
Naegen neomu gwabunhan dangsiniraseo daga gal sujocha eobseo
Hajiman geudaega mollado
Nae mam jeonhal su eopdago haedo nan meomchul suga eomneyo

Modeun geotdeuri saeropge boyeoyo
Because of you, woo hoo
Euneunhan baramkkaji nal seollege hae

Georiui yeonindeureul bwado nan geudaega jakku tteoolla
Hal il eomneun jumari doedo nan (geudaega tteoolla)
Oneulgachi haessari joheun nal
Areumdaun geudaewaui deiteuneun (eolmana dalkomhalkkayo?)

Ireon nal geudaeneun moreujyo
Naegen neomu gwabunhan dangsiniraseo daga gal sujocha eobseo
Hajiman geudaega mollado
Nae mam jeonhal su eopdago haedo nan meomchul suga eomneyo

Geudaeneun moreujyo nae maeumeul na honja sijakhan sarangeul
Ganjeolhi wonhagie eonjengan irwojil geora mideoyo

Ireon nal geudaeneun moreujyo
Naegen neomu gwabunhan dangsiniraseo daga gal sujocha eobseo
Hajiman geudaega mollado
Nae mam jeonhal su eopdago haedo nan meomchul suga eomneyo

The First Collage- 04 Even I Did- Romanzation-Translation

04 그래도 나는

Yoseob – Even Then I Lyrics

English Translation:

Even then I have to smile, this is the last time you will be seeing me
I will live on somehow, don’t worry about me and head back safely

I’ve got you livin’ my soul
So that why the tears fall, I need to send you away now
No, don’t be sorry, you did good by leaving me

But still you will think of me from time to time
Really from time to time, you will think of me
So how am I supposed to be doing well?
But still forget me forever

Now farewell my love leaving me with only scars

Even then I have to smile, this is the last time you will be seeing me
I will live on somehow, don’t worry about me and head back safely

Touch of your skin is so real
Feeling through this endless night, my unfamiliar heart
Don’t even think about it, you did good by leaving me

But still you will think of me from time to time
Really from time to time, you will think of me
So how am I supposed to be doing well?
But still forget me forever

Now farewell my love leaving me with only scars

Even then I have to smile, this is the last time you will be seeing me
I will live on somehow, don’t worry about me and head back safely

The last face you will see of me (I should smile..)
Your last farewell (Even then I will, somehow…)
Romanized:

Geuraedo naneun useoyagetjyo geudaega bol majimagil tende
Na eotteokedeun saragagetjyo singyeong sseuji malgo jal gaseyo

I’ve got you livin’ my soul
Geuraeseo nunmuri najyo ijeneun bonaeyaji
Mianhaehaji marayo geudaega nareul tteonan geon neomu jal han irijyo

Geuraedo gakkeumeun saenggagi nal tende
Gakkeumeun jeongmal saenggagi nagetjyo
Geuraeyo eotteoke naega jal jinaeyo
Geuraedo yeongwonhi ijeoyo

Ije jal gayo sangcheoman namgyeojin nae sarang

Geuraedo naneun useoyagetjyo geudaega bol majimagil tende
Na eotteokedeun saragagetjyo singyeong sseuji malgo jal gaseyo

Touch of your skin is so real
Kkeuteobsi neukkyeojineun bam natseolji anheun naui mam
Saenggakdo haji marayo geudaega nareul tteonan geon neomu jal han iriya

Geuraedo gakkeumeun saenggagi nal tende
Gakkeumeun jeongmal saenggagi nagetjyo
Geuraeyo eotteoke naega jal jinaeyo
Geuraedo yeongwonhi ijeoyo

Ije jal gayo sangcheoman namgyeojin nae sarang

Geuraedo naneun useoyagetjyo geudaega bol majimagil tende
Na eotteokedeun saragagetjyo singyeong sseuji malgo jal gaseyo

Geudaega boneun majimak eolgul (useoyagetjyo)
Geudaega haneun majimak insa (geuraedo nan eotteokedeun…)

The First Collage- 03 Just do as you always did- Romanzation-Translation

03 하던 대로 해

Yoseob – Just Do As You Always Did Lyrics

English Translation:

If time just stopped like this
If everything that happened turned into nothing when I opened my eyes
Shifting our heads because we can’t look at each other
There are two people, we are two people

I just want to say a short greeting and give you a light kiss
As if this is not our last
As if we will be seeing each other again tomorrow

Just do as you always did, I can just cry when we turn our backs
Just like this, goodbye, goodbye
Sending our sad farewells behind our backs

Like our tears that flow whenever it wants
Tomorrow and the day after will flow by
Not knowing how much it’s going to hurt
There are two people, we are two people

Easy farewells are like this, everyone does this once in their lifetime
Even in this very moment when you feel like you are going to die
You will forget everything when it passes

Just do as you always did, I can just cry when we turn our backs
Just like this, goodbye, goodbye
Sending our sad farewells behind our backs

Woo Woo Just do as you always did
I can just cry when we turn our backs
Just like this, goodbye, goodbye
Sending our sad farewells behind our backs

Just do as you always did
Romanized:

Idaero sigani jom meomchwojyeosseumyeon
Nun tteumyeon eopdeon il geureoke dwaesseumyeon
Nun majuchiji mot hae gogael tteolguneun
Du saram uri du saram

Geunyang swipge jjarbeun insahago gabyeoun immatchumeul hae geurae
Machi majimagi anin geotcheoreom
Dasi tto tto naeil bol deusi

Hadeon daero hae nunmureun dwi dora heullimyeon dwae
Geunyang ireoke annyeong annyeong
Deung dwiro seulpeun insa geonnemyeo

Meotdaero heureuneun uri nunmulcheoreom
Naeildo moredo heulleogagetji
Eolmakeum apahalji ajik moreuneun
Du saram uri du saram

Geunyang swipge ibyeoreun ireoke nuguna hanbeonjjeumeun hae geurae
Jugeul geotman gateun jigeum sungando
Jinamyeon da ichyeojil geoya

Hadeon daero hae nunmureun dwi dora heullimyeon dwae
Geunyang ireoke annyeong annyeong
Deung dwiro seulpeun insa geonnemyeo

Woo woo hadeon daero hae
Nunmureun dwidora heullimyeon dwae
Geunyang ireoke annyeong annyeong
Deung dwiro seulpeun insa geonnemyeo

Geunyang hadeon daero hae

The First Collage- 02 Caffeine ft Joker- Romanzation-Translation

02 카페인 (feat. 용준형 of BEAST)

Yoseob – Caffeine Lyrics

(Feat. JunHyung)
English Translation:

It’s late, I need to sleep and I already counted all the sheep in my head
In order to fall asleep somehow, I showered again
I keep drawing your face out on the ceiling and when I close my eyes,
A book with the story of our ended love opens

Even after you left, you torture me like this
How did I become this miserable?
What did I do wrong?
Why did we even break up? I don’t know

Cause you’re like caffeine, I can’t fall asleep all night
My heart keeps racing and again, I hate you
Like caffeine, I try to stay away
I try to forget about you but I can’t do it, I can’t help it

You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, so bad to me, yeah

Each time I breathe, I miss you
When I think that we’re living under the same sky, I go crazier
Though I’m like this, I can’t let you go
I see that couple fighting outside my window
They look like us in the past and tears well up
Look, don’t do that and just hug her
Look at me, how do I look right now?

Can’t you give me a chance to hold onto you?
Our relationship wasn’t something that could end so easily
Or am I mistaken?
Why did we even break up? I don’t know
Cause you’re like caffeine, I can’t fall asleep all night
My heart keeps racing and again, I hate you
Like caffeine, I try to stay away
I try to forget about you but I can’t do it, I can’t help it

Even though I hate you like this
When I think about the times we were together, I smile
Maybe I don’t want to forget you
Yes, I don’t want to forget you
I want to cherish you

Cause you’re like caffeine, I can’t fall asleep all night
My heart keeps racing and again, I hate you
Like caffeine, I try to stay away
I try to forget about you but I can’t do it, I can’t help it

You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, so bad to me, yeah

Romanized:

Neujeonne jaya doeneunde meorissoge yangeun beolsseo da sesseo
Eotteokedeun jamdeureo boryeo haetdeon syawodo tto dasi haesseo
Cheonjange ni eolguri jakku geuryeojigo nungameumyeon
Kkeutnabeorin uri storyga damgin chaegi pyeolchyeojigo
Neon tteonagan huedo nal ireoke goerophyeo
Eojjeodaga naega ireokekkaji goerowo
Hage doen geonji naega mwol jalmotan geonji
Uriga wae ibyeoringeonjido moreuneunde

Cause ur like caffeine, nan bamsae jam mot deulgo
Simjangeun gyesok ttwigo geureodaga tto niga neomu mipgo
Like caffeine meolliharyeogo haedo
Ijeoboryeogo haedo geureol suga eojjeol suga eobtjanha

You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, so bad to me, yeah

Sumeul swil ttaemada niga geuripda gateun haneul arae itda
Saenggakhanikka deo michinda ireomyeonseodo nan neol mot noha
Jeogi changmun bakk datuneun yeonindeuri boyeo jinan uri moseup gata nunmul goyeo
Ibwayo geureoji malgo geunyeol gamssajwoyo nal bwayo ireon naega eottae boinayo

Neol butjabeul gihoedo naegen jul su eobseonni
Geureoke swipge kkeutnabeoril gabyeoun sain
Anieotjannni anim nae chakgagin geonji
Uriga wae ibyeorin geonjido moreuneunde

Cause ur like caffeine, nan bamsae jam mot deulgo
Simjangeun gyesok ttwigo geureodaga tto niga neomu mipgo
Like caffeine meolliharyeogo haedo
Ijeoboryeogo haedo geureol suga eojjeol suga eobtjanha

Ireoke neol miwohadagado nan
Hamkkeyeotdeon sigan dorabomyeon useumi nawa
Eojjeomyeon itgi sirheun geonjido molla
Ani itgi sirheunga bwa ganjikhago sipeun geonga bwa

Cause ur like caffeine, nan bamsae jam mot deulgo
Simjangeun gyesok ttwigo geureodaga tto niga neomu mipgo
Like caffeine meolliharyeogo haedo
Ijeoboryeogo haedo geureol suga eojjeol suga eobtjanha

You bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you like caffeine
You bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you like caffeine
You bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you like caffeine
You bad to me, so bad to me, so bad to me, yeah

The First Collage- 01 Look at me now- Romanzation-Translation

Yoseob – Look At Me Now Lyrics
English Translation:

Baby Look at me now, Look at me now
Baby Look at me now, Look at me now

The moon that shines on me brighter tonight (Alright)
I wear the sweet scent all over my body
I’m waiting for you, Candle light (So nice)
It resembles my heart, it’s burning up

Between us is the wall of friendship
But by tomorrow all the snow would have melted it away
Holding your hand, holding you in my embrace
I want to sing for you all night

Don’t look too far, there is a person now
Who wants you like perfectly fitting clothes and that person is me

Baby Look at me now, now, now ah
Baby Look at me now, now, now ah
Baby Look at me

The cold wind that blows just right (Alright)
It will probably make you even lonelier today
My lips from blowing balloons all night (Oh ma)
Like my heart, it puffs up

I’m gonna give you, what you need
If you want it, I will get you anything
Hold on to my hand, hold me in your arms
Sing to me all night
01 Look at me now

Don’t look too far, there is a person now
Who wants you like perfectly fitting clothes and that person is me

Baby Look at me now, now, now ah
Baby Look at me now, now, now ah

Now I have nothing more to give to you
You already took away all of me

Baby Look at me now, now, now ah
Baby Look at me now, now, now ah
Baby Look at me now
Look at me now
Look at me now
Look at me now
Romanized:

Baby look at me now, look at me now
Baby look at me now, look at me now

Yunanhi barkge bichuneun dal (alright)
Onmome dalkomhan hyanggireul iphigo
Neol gidarigo inneun candle light (so nice)
Nae mameul darma tteugeopge taolla

Uri dul saiui chinguraneun byeok
Naeirimyeon modu noganaeril snow
Ni soneul japgo neol pume ango
Bamsae norae bureugo sipeo

Neomu meolliseo chatji ma jigeum neoege ttak
Matchwojin otcheoreom neoreul wonhaneun geu sarami baro na

Baby look at me now, now, now ah
Baby look at me now, now, now ah
Baby look at me

Jeokdanghi buneun chagaun baram (alright)
Oneulttara neol deo oeropge hagetji
Bamsae pungseoneul ttuiun ipsureun (oh ma)
Nae mameul darmaseo bupureo olla

I’m gonna give you, what you need
Wonhandamyeon modu da julge
Nae soneul japgo nal pume ango
Bamsaedorok norae bulleojwo

Neomu meolliseo chatji ma jigeum neoege ttak
Matchwojin otcheoreom neoreul wonhaneun geu sarami baro na

Baby look at me now, now, now ah
Baby look at me now, now, now ah

Na ije geudaeege julge eomneyo
Nae modeun geol imi modu da gajyeobeorin geudaejyo

Baby look at me now, now, now ah
Baby look at me now, now, now ah
Baby look at me now
Look at me now
Look at me now
Look at me now

Tweet and pics of Yoseobie's new solo album, produced by Joker himself!

Yong PD!!! Yeoseobieeeeeee! ♥
@cubeunited 잠시 후, '프로듀서 용준형'의 더욱 짙어진 이야기를 만나볼 수 있는 밤이 시작됩니다. 프로듀서로서 고민해 온 여러 밤낮의 흔적들. 같이 기다려볼까요?
[TRANS] @cubeunited In a bit, the night you can learn more about Producer Yong Junhyung's deeper story begins. The evidences of his hard work as a producer embedded in the many nights. Shall we wait together?
cr: B2STLYTWEETS

Prepix tweet.
[TRANS] @Prepix: Prepix Yang Yoseob solo album choreography.. We already took the video~ Please anticipate a special choreography~ It will be released in awhile! Yoseob is daebak Yoseob is a daebak man Yoseob is daebak

Papa Hong's tweet.
@hongcube 제가믿고알아봤던, 그리고 세계가 눈여겨 보게될. 그의프로듀싱능력.이제여러분께서판단해주십시오
[TRANS] @hongcube: I believe what I know and what I've seen, and the world will use its eyes to see. His producing skills. Now everyone shall judge too, please.
cr: precious_jh

 

 

 JunHyung twitter update "I think I can finally have you guys listen to the songs I have been working very hard for long time. Here is the album track list pic"
1) Look At Me Now
2) Caffeine
3) Do As You Been Doing
4) But For Me
5

) You Don’t Know
(trans:B2STLYTWEETS,via _yongism)

 

Me from another planet.

In this planet that I'm staying is so different than what used to be in mine. Here people can do whatever they want, can say whatever they think it's right. I'm totally an alien, come so different and it feels so bad that I want to end this journey. I wish that I can live in my own beloved planet where everyone knows each other, accept each other and lives by their own principle but still respect others. But no, here I need let everyone do what they want, and I can only whisper to myself that it is wrong. I can't let it out loud because it will definitely be a talking trash in the future. I'm learning to teach their future generations about what right and wrong, yet they doesn't seem to care about what right or wrong. All that matters to them is that they get what they want regardless which way. I wish that my mom told me about this world. I'm so afraid of staying in it now. I want to go out of it, so that I can be safe and confident again to live with my head held high. They will say no whatever I do, and will laugh and makes jokes afterwards. Do they really need to see the aftermath before they can choose to do right stead of wrong?
I personally hate this world. I hate it so much for causing me to feel so bad about myself.

To the future Wan Nor Izzati Bt Wan Mohd Bashar,

How's life? Indah tak dunia kau skang? me? tahun 2012 ni bnyk yg cantik sbenarnye, tp bnyk jugak yang perit. kau pasti tahu ape yg terjadi pada tahun tu, kehilangan teman seperjuangan, ketemuan rakan seperjuangan yang baru, pengalaman pengembaraan yang menarik, mencabar, juga indah. aku boleh katakan tahun tu bnyk yg ak harap kau ingat. aku tak tahu sama ada tyme ko bce nie ko ingat lg atau tak tp ak arap ungkapan "I love You" yg ko slalu ucapkan b4 end kan call ngan parent ko, still ko wat. Adik2 camne? mesti angah dah ade anak kan kekekeke... uda da kawen lom? Una masok U mana, ambek jurusan ape? Is? dpt U mana? or dye stay nak dok ngan mak ngan engku? Ko da anta mak ngan engku g Haji kan? ingat ape target ko dulu kan? Van pe citer? arap2 ape yg ko jnji tu dpt capai, InsyaAllah. psl personal life ak x reti nk agak... so nnti pndi2 laaaa...
Mengajar kat mane skang? arap2 skolah tu menjadi satu cabang kehidupan yang erat tok ko. Tok Tan ngan Tok Ne mesti dengan mak ngan engku kan, da jd Haji ngan Hajjah kan? Zati, kau regret tak ape yg ko buat slame nie? ade tak ko rase nak patah balik n marah kat ak yg mungkin akan wat something wrong esok luse nie? arap2 x. Ak doa agar keputusan ak nie betul.
Oh lupe! Ko da kawen lom? anak da bape? Husband name ape? kekeke~ ko still dgr lag Korea g? ak bet kalu ko ade anak comfrim 3 bhs ibunda! Malay, Deutsch ngan Hangul! English jd 2nd language! Zati, ko kene kuat. Kalu ak leh, ko mesti boleh 100 kali ganda, sbb ak yg tahun 2012 ni tak matang mcm ko yg masa skang nie. haaa kontek g x ngan kesebelasan utama? F.H, F.Z, F.A ngan F.I pe cite skang? arap2 dowg sehat sejahtera... Prinsip ko berubah x? doa ak agar mereka still same. Zati walau ape pun yg jd nnti, ak akan ttp xkan regret pe yg ko ngan ak da putuskan. right? Life is once, hanya Allah yang tahu baik buruk pengakhirannya, cuma satu je ak mntk, kuatkan lagi keyakinan ko terhadap-Nya, jgn jd cm ak dulu kayh.
♥ 22y/o Izzati Bashar

It is what I need, Y.O.U.R L.O.V.E

It is what I need, Y.O.U.R L.O.V.E

Character – Soojung, 22 years old

BTOB – as themselves

BEAST – as themselves

Some other will be mention in the story.

Prolog

I had a nightmare. I was not myself. I fall through a seenable lie. I should have known that I was tricked into it. He was not anyone that no one knows. He’s Yong Junhyung, the perfect cheater, the perfect lier, the perfect playboy the world has ever known. I was 19. I was a fool. I was not young to be cheated though; he was only one year older than me. He was my bestfriend. We shared almost everything and yet he lied. He lied of ever loving me, seeing me as a woman. It was never true, all of that was only to win a bet he made with his real friends I guess. We were just schoolmates, not bestfriend. I was the only who thinks that. That was three years ago. He debuted. A cool singer in a great wellknown group, BEAST. And I hate every minute they come out neither on the TV nor on the radio. Although I admit their songs are great, they do are great in singing, dancing and charming girls but the only reason for this hatred is because Yong Junhyung is one of them. It had been three years, after what happen I never look back. I never contact him, never ask his brother how’s he doing, or his parent. I only met them once a while during Chuseok, still I tried to not be so rude. My mom would always scold me for not taking the right way of telling my feelings. I always end up hurting his parent feelings. They are my god-parent but what can I do. I hate him. I hate the thoughts of seeing him, hearing and knowing him. Now he has a new victim. But I really wish from the bottom of my heart that he really loves her. She is too young to be cheated and played like what he did to me. Just one more time I hope that this time love really come to me stead of playing me.

(Soojung’s )

Today’s date is 16th October 2012. The third year after that one nightmare. My friends are celebrating something else though.

“Soojung-ah, let’s go! It’s Beast 3rd year!”

“Kimi-ah, I don’t feel like going. You go, I’ll stay home today.” I said in a very polite way.

“You’re crazy? How can I let you here alone?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” I said.

She left and goes to the perfect celebration of hers and the other B2uty. The so called fans of BEAST. No one knew. I’m one of Yong Junhyung’s Ex-GF. I never tell. I guess the res never speak of it too. I made a decision to walk to Han River to clear my mind. As I’m enjoying the view, I heard voices. Loud ones.

“Yah! Don’t run! Let’s play ball!” said one of them A very sturdy voice. Sounded like a leader.

“Hyung, can’t we just play something else than soccer?” said another cute voice.

“Okay! Let’s play Basketball!” said the other. This one sounded so cool.

I wonder who they are, so I turned and there standing 7 flowerboys with a ball. Suddenly one of them walks towards me.

“Noona, can you help us?” It’s the cool voice.

“Huh? Help? Like what?” I answered.

“Be a judge, noona know how to be a basketball judge?” he asked

Of course I know. I’m a player myself. Not in the national team yet, but I am one of the potential player.. kekeke bragging myself sounded so wrong.

“Sure, I’ll judge.”

“Hyung! We got a judge!”

“Okay! But the other are not here yet!” said the leader-like voice.

“Eunkwang! We’re here!” That sounds familiar.

In front of my very eyes, the six most hatred guys in my life stands and walking towards us.

“Dujun-hyung, this noona will be our judge.” Pointing at me. All eyes are on me. He saw me.

“Soojung-shi?” said Yoseob, one of the so called real friends.

“Hi, let’s start!” I scream. I know now. I’m in deep trouble. I hate this. Junhyung walks towards me.

“Annyeong J-ah!” he said. J? I’ve already forgotten that nickname.

I said nothing, didn’t even look at him. I hate him. That’s it. He left and they start to play. With all the hatred, I’m still considered as a good judge. They played till they drop. After two hours of playing non-stop they finally called it even. The cool-voice guy asks me to join them for dinner. Without waiting for my answer he grabs my hand and I am now in their van.

All 13 boys plus 4 managers and me are having dinner. Someone started to talk.

“Hyung, today is BEAST 3rd year right, congrats!!!” said Hyungshik. I learn their names in between the games.

“Erm! I’m totally happy!” said Hyunseung. He’s smiling again. It was hard for him when he lost his dad, but he get through it. I feel bad too.

“Soojung-shi, do you like K-pop singers?” Ilhoon, the cool-voice asks me.

Of course not! But I answered the other way.

“Yeah, I like Kpop too”

“Who?” asks Sungjae, the youngest of the group, they are actually the new group from CUBE, BEAST Company. BTOB

“Well I’ve been TVXQ’s fans since they debuted.” Afterward he laughs. Of course he knows. I never like TVXQ before.

“Really, what is your favourite song?” He asks.

“This one song I like the best.” I sang Tea for two, a japanese song, sang by TVXQ.

“Wow! You got great voice Soojung-shi!” said Eunkwang.

“Since when? Since when you can sing Soojung-ah?” asks Dujun informally. The rest were shock.

“Soojung-ah... you guys know each other?” asks Changsub.

Hyunseung hit Dujun. Yoseob answered.

“Yeah, she’s our friend. She’s a....” He losts his words.

“My Ex....” said Junhyung calmly. Everyone is in pause. I felt like a hole was been dig once again.

“Yeah, Junhyung’s right. I’m his ex-GF aka his old non-real BFF.” I answered sarcastically.

Ilhoon was totally shocked. Not knowing what to do. I stand up and ask for a leave.

“ I’ll walk you home noona.” Said Ilhoon. The rest were in a silent mode, BEAST members excluding Junhyung bow their head for a reason that I don’t want to know.

Although I said no, he insisted on following me.

(Junhyung’s)

She left. She went home after saying what it felt. I was wrong. I thought she’d get over it but no. She was totally in pain, and I was the fool for not seeing it. Three years of no news I though she was just busy. How fool I am.

“Hyung, she dumped you?” Asks Sungjae.

“Nope, he did.” Said Dujun. Dujun’d right. I dumped her for my own sake. The boys know everything.

“Why? She seems to look nice and I think she’s a good a GF.” Said Peniel. I was hurt by that comment. She was perfect. If weren’t for my selfish greed, she’d still be mine. But now I have Hara, and she is no longer the one. The one for me now is Hara.

“I know she was. But Junhyung has to do it.” Answered Hyunseung. He knows me too well.

The boys stop asking me anything anymore. I wonder what is going on between her and Ilhoon right now. Could she be crying?

(Soojung’s)

I walk so slow that Ilhoon took my hand and walk faster. But we walked on the wrong path. We’re going back to the riverside. He sat down.

“Noona, you’re okay? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask you to join us” He said in a very apologising way.

“It’s okay, it’s not anyone’s fault. We broke up. Well he dumped. I was not the one. That was it. Don’t feel sorry for it. Thank you Ilhoon-shi”

“Noona, you can informally talk to me. I’m going to let you talk down to me.”

“No I feel better this way. Is it okay for you to saty here? Don’t you got any schedules? You should be tired isn’t it?”

“Naaah~ I’m fine. We got none for today and tomorrow.” He looks so calm and yet he’s a charming one. I wonder...

“You’re Joo’s younger brother right?”

“Yup, isn’t my noona scary? She scares me sometimes.” He laughs. The cutest I’ve ever heard.

“Not really, I find her such a good friend.”

“You know my sister? You guys are friends?” he asks.

“Yup, we’re in the same classes in University. She sometime comes to my Basketball practices.”

“Huuuwaaaa! I’m so dead! You are the famous Kim Soojung! My sister’s BFF! Noona please don’t tell her what I said just now!”

I laugh. He smiles. I wonder why but his face is just an inch from me. Then it hits me. I can no longer see his face, coz his lips are locked on mine. After few seconds I push him away, yet he holds me even more while begging to have more of me. I might be crazy but I’m actually letting him, and kinda enjoying the very first kiss in my life. Seconds later he let me go and look right into my eyes.

“You can be mad at me all you want Noona, but this is what I need. I need a girl, and I don’t mind if it’s a one-sided-love. Coz all I need is to be with you.”

I was red! He hugs me knowing that I was too shy to say a word.

“Ilhoon-ah, I’m en ex from one your hyung, an older woman, and I’m not as beautiful as those girl groups. You might be gonna regret this later.”

“I know you’re Junhyung’s Ex, I know you are older than me by 5 years, but I’m not sure about not being beautiful. I’d say you look better since the girls are always in make-up yet the one that I’m seeing right is perfectly beautiful without it. So yeah, I won’t be regretting this.”

“I’m not gonna say anything, and I’m not agreeing of doing this.”

“You don’t have too. But be sure to be cautious, coz I’ll be announcing that I’m own. Tomorrow people will know that Jung Ilhoon, BTOB’s rapper is now in a relationship.”

I was totally in shocked. He grabs my hand and walks me home. At the front door he kisses me again, without thinking that anyone might see us. He kisses my forehead and watches me enter the house. I close the door and lean towards the door, thinking what just happen.

(Ilhoon’s)

She’s mine, and Yong Junhyung you are so dead.

(Junhyung’s)

What is taking Ilhoon so long to walk her home? That boy hates me for all I know. Is he going to use her for revenge? He’s here.

“Ilhoon, come here.” I said.

“Yes? What is wrong Junhyung-hyung?” he asks.

“What take you so long?”

“Oh right... guys listen...” he’s going to announce something that make me nervous all of sudden.

“Kim Soojung, the girl we met just now. She’s mine. As in my GF for real. We’re dating from now onwards. Manager-hyung it’s okay right?” he asks the oldest manager-hyung we have. He nodded. There’s no restrictions in CUBE, I know that but why Soojung?

“You’re serious? You’re not playing?” Asks Hyunseung, probably he thought he need to asks that on my behalf.

“Yup. I sealed her lips just now. TWICE. She’s mine. No one is allowed to hit on her anymore.” He answered calmly as if I was not around. He kisses her. That should be her first kiss considering we never kiss and she never had a BF before or after me.

“Ilhoon, you better be right. Don’t play with her feelings.” Said Yoseob.

“I’m not and I won’t, I’m not gonna treat her like her Ex. I really care for her.” That’s hurt. I look at Dujun and he signals us to go home. A meeting is gonna be held.

We left the 6 clueless boys plus one in love- state of mind boy. We didn’t speak a word in our way home. As soon as we enter the house, Dujun calls.

“Guys urgent meeting.”

“Hyung, you need to be careful, Ilhoon might be hurting her.” Said Dongwoon.

“We can’t be sure. What if he really loves her?” said Gikwang who has been silent the whole time, from the very moment he saw Soojung.

“But for all we know, Ilhoon hated Junhyung for hurting that senior of him. His first love.” Said Dujun.

“I can’t be sure, he seems truly in love with her, we saw how he took a good care of her today.” Said Yoseob.

I was not able to say anything. I was shocked, scared and hurt. She didn’t say anything yet she’s in pain. Why did I let myself to be such a jerk in the past? I should have taken a good care of her.

“Junhyung-ah, it’s not your fault. We were all just fools back then.” Said Hyunseung.

“I was not.” Said Gikwang. He’s right. Gikwang did try to stop me from hurting Soojung back then.

“Yeah you weren’t. Only the 5 of us were.” Said Dujun. He felt it. He’s right. The five of us foolishly bet on it. If I were to rewind the past, I would have not done it. Not only I lost a precious love but also my only Bestfriend. She was everything a friend could ask.

“So, what should we do?” asks Dongwoon. None of us speak. We do not know what to do. She was not only my BFF but also a great friend to the rest and we all lost that precious gem. I just hope that Ilhoon is true to her.

(Ilhoon’s)

Somehow, I felt good since that night. I kissed her and now everynight I’m kissing her. She hated it at first, but now no more. Sometimes when I ask she’d just let me. Smiling and loving. All my revenge turns into unconditionally in love with her. Glad that no one knows. I love her. I love Kim Soojung. Not Junhyung’s Ex but Kim Soojung, my girlfriend. A call came in. It’s her.

“Hallo~ yes girl?” I waited for her to answer.

“Ilhoon-ah...... Help me.” Her voice trembles.

“Soojung-ah? What’s wrong? Wait where you are?” I ask timidly. I start to take my clothes and wear things properly. I wear my shoes and hop on the van. My manager drive to her house where she told me earlier.

We arrive at her house. I told her before not to stay alone, but she never listens. I open her door as I knew her password by which she changes it a few weeks ago. Our first date 19 Oct.2012.

I enter her house. She was not in the living room. I went to her room.

“Soojung-ah...” I knock on her door. No one answers. All I hear were cries.

“Soojung-ah! Open the door!!!” I was in panic when suddenly I hear something break into pieces. The door opens and there she lies. Half naked. Bruises all over her, there were blood and everything were a mess. She cries trembling now and then. The minute she saw me, she cries even louder. I hurriedly hug her and hold her close to me. Seeing her in that state coz me to trembles thinking what could have happen. Her clothes were ripped and she was totally in pain, frightened by something or someone.

I brought her to the nearest clinic, a private one so that no one knew. My managers, the boys and BEAST sunbaenim were all there. Even my sister cried non-stop. I was in fury not knowing who did this to her. The doctor calls for a nearest relative. Junhyung-hyung and I raise our hands.

“I hope the both of you can be calm.” Said the doctor who attends her.

“What had happen?” I ask furiously till Junhyung-hyung holds me back.

“She’s been raped..... again.” Said the doctor.

Again! What does that means? Junhyung-hyung looks like he knows. I calm my self and ask to be with her. The doctor let me. In the mean time, I ask Junhyung-hyung what had happen.

(Junhyung’s)

Ilhoon asks and there’s no way I can lie. In front of every one I reminisced again what had happen.

(Three years ago)

“Soojung-ah, let’s break up. I was just playing with you. Sorry” and I left her in the rain.

I won the bet, she falls for me. And since then I never heard from her until her mom calls me.

“Junhyung-ah, did Soojung calls you?”

“She did not ommonim, what is wrong?”

“It has been 4 days and she never comes home... what to do?”

I still remember when we found her. She was no longer the strong girl I’ve known. She was the weakest most vulnulrable girl I've met. She cried and asked to be killed right away. Her dad did it.

(Present’s)

(Soojung’s)

I woke up with such pain in every inch of my body. He was next to me. Crying, begging for God to take his life instead of mine. Jung Ilhoon. I grab his hand tighter and he realised I was awake. He hugs me and asks for forgiveness of not seeing me lately. I stood still waiting for him to calm down. Although I admit I was in pain but having his arms around me ease me more than I expected. Unexpectedly the rest come towards me and they stood still, silent with no words what so ever. Ah they found out. Junhyung-eyes were red, the same red as three years ago. With no words he stood still and hope for me to say something first. I did no longer hate him. He saved me three years ago and he was the one who still there waiting for me to say a word. The same Yong Junhyung.

“I’m okay.” I said it, and Ilhoon hits my arm lightly.

“You’re not, I’m not and no one here is okay.” He said gently and furiously sounded too. The rest are still silent. Both maknaes cry louder than I should be. Yoseob and Changsub join them, untill Hyunseung scolds them. I laugh seeing such scene. Three years ago when Dongwoon and Yoseob cried, it was the same Hyunseung who scolds them, only that now Sungjae and Changsub are there.

“Jae-ah, don’t tell my mom about this.” Everyone was at shock. Who’s Jae.

“I know, but we need to find him. In the meantime, can you stay with Ilhoon and the boys?” Junhyung answers as if Jae is him.

“She still calls you Jaesoon. Junhyung-hyung you are still her BFF, I guess.” Ilhoon knew. I still am Jae’s BFF and Jae is still my BFF no matter how much I hated him.

“No, no I can’t. I’ll stay with Joo. She asked me before already.”I said to avoid staying under one roof with Ilhoon.

“No, you’re not. I’ll be staying with you in your house. That’s final.” Said Ilhoon. The rest of the boys were shocked. Some hit Ilhoon’s head. And he said,

“I’m serious. We’ll get him this time.” So that’s how we stay in one house. A week later, that bastard was caught while he tried to break-in my house. He went directly to Ilhoon’s room thinking it was still my room. For the truth, we never slept in a seperate room. He always came to my room, saying that he needs to protect me.

I am more than happy now, coz all I need now is just Jung Ilhoon’s craziness and his protective side over me. I Love You Jung Ilhoon!

My 2nd time trying to write Fan-Fic on BTOB....